29th Transmission -- [Locked FROM Ratchet]

[heavyweaponsbot]

[Ironhide has never sounded this awkward or embarrassed in his entire time aboard the ship. He doesn't even seem able to quite get coherent words out of himself.]

I... I need... to find books. Certain... books. Of... questionable content. I... do not ask this lightly, I...

Need books about... human... mating. Do not ask.


Hate my life.





((ooc: Ironhide chucked Ratchet's books out the window. See? His wife is not happy.))

Comments

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Only if joo ain't be doin' it right. [He chuckles.] Or nevah done it all.

Joo know mon a liddle bedroom slammin', eatin' unda da sheets, wukin' da kinks out da bed. Sex mon, sex!

[heavyweaponsbot]

...

What I have done is no one's business. Except mine.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Right. So dat be a no.

[heavyweaponsbot]

I said it was none of your business.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Right right. Sorry mon. Guess dat be joor medic's business since he be done so intrested in dis.

[heavyweaponsbot]

... Yes. It is his business. He was the one who wanted to know.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Guess he be wantin' to joo one helluva suhprise den eh?

[Having no idea that Ironhide is actually a robot his mind has taken this in the completely wrong direction.]

[heavyweaponsbot]

... What are you talking about?

[He really has no idea what's going on here.]

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Come on mon, why joo t'ink he be wantin' to know so much 'bout sex? He be wantin' to get ideas dat be why. Jah can't be dat dense.

[heavyweaponsbot]

...

We are not human.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Neiddah am I. What be joor point?

[heavyweaponsbot]

[Oh... All Spark.]

We are mechanical. Non-organic.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

[Say what now.]

Huh. Well...dat be changin' t'ings just a liddle bit.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Changes everything. Hmn?

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Maybe, or he just be gettin' ready fuh da next time Redd be wantin' to play wid ouh species again.

[heavyweaponsbot]

...

[And suddenly the last time they were human pops into his head.]

No. It... is a science... thing. That is all.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Science, right. Well if sex be a science den I be a fuckin' professuh.

[heavyweaponsbot]

Good--Good for you! Now go... profess... elsewhere!

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Guess I should. Not point in teachin' a mon dat don't wanna be taught. T'ink I should talk wid dis medic of joors. Hell maybe I'll even write my own book fuh da mon.

[For a machine, this guy gets flustered all too easily.]

[heavyweaponsbot]

Yeah. Right. I have no desire to... learn these things.

... His name is Ratchet. [PLEASE go talk to him, Ironhide doesn't do this kind of thing, it's breaking his processor.]

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

Alright I'll have a liddle talk wid him.

[Though he's sure talking to you is infinitely more entertaining.]

[heavyweaponsbot]

Better yet, write it all. Save me some trouble.

[pimp-hat.livejournal.com]

[Don't worry, he's going to. He's going to write it all down. He's got it in his head that everyone needs to know what he knows. Ironhide what have you done?]